Who wants chubb for dinner?

NOT ME!
so i'm starting this blog in hopes to motivate myself and get some things off my chest. Let me just say honestly.... i'm not happy! not one bit! sorry if this is too negative for some of you cheery folks but it's the honest to goodness truth!

A little more truth... In my minds eye, I'm not obese. I'm chubby.

I have a good 35 lbs that I'd like to loose (40 if I'm honest).... that can be done folks... i swear it can!

A little bit of background. I have the fat genes... that is fo-sho! I was a very skinny child up until I was about 15... I could eat anything I wanted and wear whatever I wanted... then puberty hit... hard! And I got chubby. I realized I was chubbier than other girls when I was about 17, I wasn't getting dates (except a few really dorky weird kids... not exactly what I was going for). So I decided to hit the gym! Wahoo.... I lost 30 pounds and was looking and feeling good!

After that I was able to maintain my weight for YEARS! I was really good about what I ate... fast food disgusted me and I loved running and working out at the gym.... I felt so good about myself!

I met my husband and things changed a bit... I wanted to be even skinnier! I started behaving badly and was not good to myself. I started to replace water for meals and when I got hungry I'd chew on a piece of gum. I was sick. I would pass out from malnutrition frequently... I'm so embarrassed about so many things that I am going to put here on this blog but THIS I am ashamed of. Luckily, for me... my love of food overpowered my will to be a size 2 and I kicked that habit to the curb. Funny how life changes... now I'm trying to kick another nasty habit to the curb.... junk food.

After that phase in life I was able to go back to my regular eating habits but wasn't working out as much because my now husband wasn't into it too.... it's funny how you let the people you are surrounded by influence your lifestyle choices. It shouldn't be that way but for me, that's what happened.

Life was good until I got pregnant with my first baby. I gained 60 lbs!!! YIKES! After I had him I had great motivation and awesome support from a good friend who was also health conscious and a gym goer. My brother at the time was a personal trainer who was single student and could go to the gym with me any day and time of the week to train with me... it was awesome, and so much fun! (Once again I was influenced by my surroundings).

I was able to loose all but about 5 lbs before I got pregnant with my second baby. I didn't gain as much weight with her, only 35 lbs... but once I had her and was needing to loose that baby weight... things had changed. My friend moved... my brother got a full time job & married.... and I had to do things by myself. It hasn't worked.... in fact, just the opposite has happened. I've spiraled into so many bad eating habits that I'm just sick about!

Which leads me to now... about 6 months ago I did Weight Watchers for a month... too bad that it only lasted that long because it was working. I had to motivate myself to go to the gym... I had to motivate myself to eat right.... I am on my own but that doesn't mean I can't do it! I just have to learn to do it for myself instead of others.

I want to get back to that healthy lifestyle I was living about 10 years ago (I can't believe it's been that long). I like working out... but I hate going to the gym out of shape. I just have to get over it and just do it!

Now that I've told you my life story... horray for you if you made it that far! To sum it up... I know that weight is always going to be a constant battle for me... I'll have ups and I'll have downs. Hopefully I can change my life and never get as low as I am now.