my big butt whoop'n

Holy Cow! If you want to get your trash kicked, take a Zumba class! I thought I was going to die about 10 minutes into the class..... but you know what.... I'm still alive. I did it! I remember a yoga teacher telling me once that my body is more capable than I think I am. I had to remember that through out the entire miserable 60 minutes of this class. I wanted to pass out flat on the floor multiple times but somehow my body overpowered my weak doubts and pulled through. I also had to keep thinking of the real biggest losers that are 100+ more pounds than me and how Bob and Jillian never let them stop... you have to push through the pain! Honestly, without those 2 things running through my head, I think I would have quit. It was tough. There is no doubt in my mind that you will loose weight doing that class... no doubt! It works your entire body! I am pure jello.... it's fitting because I shake like it too Hee HEE!

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why chubb?

doesn't that sound like you like the chubb? no... i don't like it but it's a funny word. the end.

So my biggest loser group starts on monday and i'm liv'n it up until then. not really but I do need a In-and-Out burger by then! I'm really excited for the group. I've randomly invited myself to it through a photographer friend that I know. Actually, we've never met but we've mingled so we are now friends ;P

You see... Utah is a skinny state. There are no fat people.... okay some, but not a lot. So i've been struggling to find a weight loss buddy... their aren't any. Everyone I know are all ready at least running marathons, half marathons, triathlons, 50 mile races.... seriously, it's a cool thing right now to be a runner. I'd love to be one of these people... honestly. How can you ask a friend that is all ready doing these things to train with you? You can't. it's a little lonely in that respect. i'm an outsider in a runners world. you feel like a poser when you go to the gym... heck, I feel like a poser when I walk through the mall, let alone the grocery store!

It's hard to look back and think that I was one of those people once.... how did I let myself get so lazy? Clothing size was a big thing to me in my skinny life. It still is. I am wearing larges... and sometimes extra larges... I remember thinking to my skinny self... "how could anyone get so large to have to wear these sizes". Well here I am... that person. suck.

Not for long though folks. I'm getting my old life back! I miss that person I used to be. It's crazy how much a little extra added weight can change person. I want her back, and i can have her back with a little hard work and by thinking of myself for once. HOO-RAW!

Who wants chubb for dinner?

NOT ME!
so i'm starting this blog in hopes to motivate myself and get some things off my chest. Let me just say honestly.... i'm not happy! not one bit! sorry if this is too negative for some of you cheery folks but it's the honest to goodness truth!

A little more truth... In my minds eye, I'm not obese. I'm chubby.

I have a good 35 lbs that I'd like to loose (40 if I'm honest).... that can be done folks... i swear it can!

A little bit of background. I have the fat genes... that is fo-sho! I was a very skinny child up until I was about 15... I could eat anything I wanted and wear whatever I wanted... then puberty hit... hard! And I got chubby. I realized I was chubbier than other girls when I was about 17, I wasn't getting dates (except a few really dorky weird kids... not exactly what I was going for). So I decided to hit the gym! Wahoo.... I lost 30 pounds and was looking and feeling good!

After that I was able to maintain my weight for YEARS! I was really good about what I ate... fast food disgusted me and I loved running and working out at the gym.... I felt so good about myself!

I met my husband and things changed a bit... I wanted to be even skinnier! I started behaving badly and was not good to myself. I started to replace water for meals and when I got hungry I'd chew on a piece of gum. I was sick. I would pass out from malnutrition frequently... I'm so embarrassed about so many things that I am going to put here on this blog but THIS I am ashamed of. Luckily, for me... my love of food overpowered my will to be a size 2 and I kicked that habit to the curb. Funny how life changes... now I'm trying to kick another nasty habit to the curb.... junk food.

After that phase in life I was able to go back to my regular eating habits but wasn't working out as much because my now husband wasn't into it too.... it's funny how you let the people you are surrounded by influence your lifestyle choices. It shouldn't be that way but for me, that's what happened.

Life was good until I got pregnant with my first baby. I gained 60 lbs!!! YIKES! After I had him I had great motivation and awesome support from a good friend who was also health conscious and a gym goer. My brother at the time was a personal trainer who was single student and could go to the gym with me any day and time of the week to train with me... it was awesome, and so much fun! (Once again I was influenced by my surroundings).

I was able to loose all but about 5 lbs before I got pregnant with my second baby. I didn't gain as much weight with her, only 35 lbs... but once I had her and was needing to loose that baby weight... things had changed. My friend moved... my brother got a full time job & married.... and I had to do things by myself. It hasn't worked.... in fact, just the opposite has happened. I've spiraled into so many bad eating habits that I'm just sick about!

Which leads me to now... about 6 months ago I did Weight Watchers for a month... too bad that it only lasted that long because it was working. I had to motivate myself to go to the gym... I had to motivate myself to eat right.... I am on my own but that doesn't mean I can't do it! I just have to learn to do it for myself instead of others.

I want to get back to that healthy lifestyle I was living about 10 years ago (I can't believe it's been that long). I like working out... but I hate going to the gym out of shape. I just have to get over it and just do it!

Now that I've told you my life story... horray for you if you made it that far! To sum it up... I know that weight is always going to be a constant battle for me... I'll have ups and I'll have downs. Hopefully I can change my life and never get as low as I am now.